[24 Jan 2006|02:18am] [ mood | blah ] i havent posted anything in a while. i dont know why but tonight i was thinking of how bad i treat kristen. i dont know why but she puts up with me. i know that everything that happens between us is because of me and i cant help it. i am just a horrible person. i hate myself. sometimes i wish that i was never born. i mess up everything in my life that is good. everything i do comes back to bite me in the ass and i hate it. my life sucks. i am doing horrible in school and even worse with my relationship. i feel as if i dont love kristen anymore. i think i do sometimes and other times it is like i dont even want to know her. it sucks. i know she loves me and i know she wants to be with me forever but i think that if this keeps going on that isnt gonna happen. i know one day she will leave for good. i am willing to accept that. i understand why she is going to do it. i really dont blame her. i would leave to if i were her. apparently she prays for me. i really dont think it is working though. in my eyes everything has gotten worse in the past couple of months. i dont want to do it anymore but i also dont want to hurt her and break her heart. i have no idea what to do. i think i am gonna go lay in my bed and do nothing. i dont have class until 4 tommorow. this sucks and so do i. goodnight for all of those who care. Crip walked

[16 Jan 2006|09:18am] [ mood | crushed ] Well last night was the worst night i have ever had. I broke up with Kristen. Thats right i broke up with her. To tell you the truth though it will be hard but easier in the long run because i just kept fucking up. Well i am sorry that i had to do this to you Kristen, i really am, but i need to do this so i dont hurt you anymore than i already have. I will probably not do much today, however if you guys wanna talk to me give me a call. 609.330.7612. So there you have it, i suck at life and am now simgle. This is already the worst semester of my life. Peace for now. Crip walked

[14 Nov 2005|11:05pm] yo this weekend was awesome. everyone had a really good time and i saw alot of people i havent seen in a long time. now to the current issue. apparently i am not a CRIP. but i am. and i am sure of it. i know i am and i am going to rep blue till the day i die. dont thinks so? check out my myspace. i will always be CRIP and no one can say otherwise. I love Kristen Lee. 3.12.05 BK FOREVER asshole. 1 Crip walked

[03 Nov 2005|12:38am] [ mood | crushed ] well isnt this just dandy.... havent up[dated in a while and shit has basically gone downhill for me. me and kristen fight all the time and me and my mom fight all of the time. i dont know what to do anymore. i want to be with kristen for the rest of my life but right now i dont think that is gonna happen. i dont know why i think this...i just do. it is hard as hell for me to decide what to do. so if you have a suggestion let me know cuz i have no idea what to do. it seems like we dont fit with eachother but other times it is like we are perfect for eachother. i think sometimes we should take a break but kristen doesnt want to. well i have nothing else to say but this...i love her with all of my heart and right now my heart is telling me to get out of it before it gets worse. sorry. I Love you baby. =*/ 1 Crip walked

[12 Oct 2005|11:30pm] I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You 1 Crip walked

[12 Oct 2005|10:03pm] [ mood | gloomy ] it's been a while.... sorry. that is all i am gonna say is that i am sorry. sorry for everything. i really am. Crip walked

[22 Sep 2005|01:04am] love is my baby love is hot ass and sperm love is tickets for warped tour love is a ring from Kay love is throwing fungus love is make up sex love is swiming in the rain love is a cowboy killer love is "a pig in your but" love is weekend trips with the family love is Kristen Lee Goebel. Kristen Lee Goebel is the love of my life and will be forever. She will be here forever because she is there after the bullshit that i put her through and she will always take me back. she is one of a kind, and i am proud to say she is mine and will be forever. 3.12.05 KLG+MWK FOREVER 2 Crip walked

[05 Sep 2005|11:09pm] two words. Ocean City. great fucking times. it was me kristen fionna and louie. we spent all day down there yesterday and it was amazing. as far as today goes,it was real sad. i had to go back to school and i had to say goodbye to my one and only true love. <3. i am doing a little better. i talked to her a few times and she seems to be taking it just like me if not worse. i love her for it though. i wouldnt be able to do this if it werent for her. i swear she pulls me through everything, it is great. i love her so much. i get to go see her again in 12 days. i am so happy. i hope my mom comes and gets me this time. the fact that she didnt pissed me the hell off. but its all good cuz i got home in the end and i got to see my baby. i am gonna try and sleep so i will update again in the next couple of days. i love you baby 3.12.05 <3 1 Crip walked

[26 Aug 2005|10:42pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | papa roach-last resort ] Cut my life into pieces I've reached my last resort, suffocation, no breathing Don't give a fuck if I cut my arms bleeding Would it be wrong, would it be right If I took my life tonight, chance are that I might Mutilation out of sight and I'm contemplating suicide Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine Nothing's alright, nothing is fine I'm running and I'm crying I never realized I was spread too thin Till it was too late and I was empty within Hungry, feeding on chaos and living in sin Downward spiral, where do I begin It all started when I lost my mother No love for myself and no love for another Searching to find a love upon a higher level Finding nothing but questions and devils Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine Nothing's alright, nothing is fine I'm running and I'm crying I can't go on living this way I never thought I'd die alone I laughed the loudest, who'd have known? I traced the cord back to the wall No wonder it was never plugged in at all I took my time, I hurried up The choice was mine, I didn't think enough I'm too depressed to go on You'll be sorry when I'm gone I never conquered, rarely came 16 just held such better days Days when I still felt alive We couldn't wait to get outside The world was wide, too late to try The tour was over, we'd survived I couldn't wait 'til I got home To pass the time in my room alone I never thought I'd die alone Another six months, I'll be unknown Give all my things to all my friends You'll never step foot in my room again You'll close it off, board it up Remember the time that I spilled the cup Of apple juice in the hall Please tell mom this is not her fault I never conquered, rarely came 16 just held such better days Days when I still felt alive We couldn't wait to get outside The world was wide, too late to try The tour was over, we'd survived I couldn't wait 'til I got home To pass the time in my room alone I never conquered, rarely came Tomorrow holds such better days Days when I can still feel alive When I can't wait to get outside The world is wide, the time goes by The tour is over, I've survived I can't wait 'til I get home To pass the time in my room alone 1 Crip walked

[25 Aug 2005|11:15pm] today sucked and tommorow is going to be even worse. this camp for soccer sucks major balls and i am praying that i get cut. i dont even wanna play anymore. it isnt like i am going to get playing time anyway. there is another goalie that is a freshman that is already the starter and then they have a sophomor that is coming back to play. but apparently there is a practice team and if i make that i am going to quit. i dont wanna just practice while the team is away and then ride the bench at home games. fuck that. so i am most likley not going to play so i will be able to see my baby more. which is a very good thing. well i am going to call my baby right now so i will probably update again within the next few days. i love you baby <3KLG 1 Crip walked

[21 Aug 2005|10:45pm] wow. this soccer camp is mad hard. it is even harder because i miss my baby. Jersey City is mad cool. so are the guys on the soccer team. i miss my baby alot. i cant wait to see her. i am so board. i am sore as hell to. the coach works us so much. but it is cool. i will get over it. we had to run 3 miles in 21 minutes and i did it in 24 min. 19 secs. i was mad slow. oh well. well i am gonna call my baby and dream about it being one day closer to me seeing her again. i love you baby. 3.12.05 BK :) 1 Crip walked

i'm begging you to be my escape... [13 Aug 2005|01:56am] [ mood | tired ] [ music | "be my escape" - relient k ] warped tour is the shit and that is all there is to it. it will be even better tommorow. me and my baby are going up to englishtown to see it again. good shit. i am kinda tired from all of it so i am gonna go and try to sleep now. goodnight to all. i love you baby 3.12.05* 1 Crip walked

this is my last resort... [07 Aug 2005|11:27pm] [ mood | crappy ] i suck at life and sometimes i wish i crashed into a fucking tree. my life sucks so bad and there is only one good thing n it right now, my baby, but i am starting to let that slip away from me and i hate myself for it. tonight on the way home i acctually though about running into a tree. i hate myself that much. i fuck everything up with kristen. i am acctuallt surprised that she still loves me after all that i have done in the past week. i am so stupid. she loves me with all of her heart and what do i do, fuck it up and turn it into anger. i just feel like shit right now and i called about 5 or ten minutes ago and she said if i cant sleep to call her again so i will in about 10 minutes because i am not going to bed anytime soon. i have oo much to think about. i am sorry baby. :( i love you 3.12.05 1 Crip walked

[01 Aug 2005|11:28pm] [ mood | pissed off ] today fucking sucked. that is all there is too it. my mom said i cant go to see kristen when she comes back but i am praying like a fucking nun so that i can. then to add to that she gave me a choice. 1-go to college and live under her roof with her rules or 2-not go to college and live on my own and basically be kicked out to do whatever the fuck i want. that is bullshit. now here is the problem. i want a college education but i dont wanna deal with her shit for the next four years. so it is gonna be a hard choice. i took more than my one shot tonight. i took one chug. about 4 shots worth i would say. i am probably gonna do dome more when i finish this. my life fucking blows and it is mainly because of my mom. if it werent for her i would be fucking happy as hell. there is no good news tonight. just that my life sucks. oh well. shit happens. tommorow i am probably gonna be stuck on the back of a fucking trash truck which is gonna suck so fucking hard. back to the mother situation. i thought about leaving. that quickly went away when she said if you do that you leave all of your money and your car keys so i said fuck that. i am praying to god like a fucking nun tonight i swear just so that i get to see kristen tommorow. her mom is gonna do the same for me. i like her mom. this shit really sucks. i am gonna go listen to some music now and take a few more swigs so i will talk to everyone tommorow. goodnight. i love you baby with all of my heart. 3.12.05 1 Crip walked

[28 Jul 2005|10:59pm] [ mood | lonely ] [ music | say anything-"everyman has a molly" ] today went by slow as hell. work took forever. but that is ok because tommorow is payday. i miss kristen so mush. i have taken a shot everynight, kissed her picture and smelled (lol) her dog everynight before i go to sleep. this was harder than i thought. i cant wait until tuesday. she will be home. thank god. i leave for college on the 19 of August. sucks really bad. i can tell Kristen doesnt want me to go at all. she basically told me today. it is gonna be so hard. wow, i am actually starting to cry. this sucks. i miss her so much. why cant it be monday night riht now. i would be able to wake up and be like, my baby is coming home today. i seriously cant wait any longer. well i am gonna go do some other things. i love you baby. 3.12.05 BK Forever. oh yeah by the way, my graduation party for H.S. is on saturday and my mom is being an asshole. i dont care if you read this. you are. why cant you help? well that is my kinda vent today. i will update again later. i love you baby 3.12.05 BK forever. 2 Crip walked

small simple safe price... [25 Jul 2005|11:23pm] [ mood | drained ] [ music | Scar Tissue-Red Hot Chili Peppers ] I am kinda happy today. kristen comes home a week from tommorow. i am so haooy that she is gonna come home. i miss her so much. it sucks not having her. all we can do is talk. i cant hold her in my arms or look deep into her beautiful green eyes. i took the last bit of the regular vodka tonight. it helps a little. it calms me down a bit. i have some orange flavored absolute, ammareto and smirnoff watermelon twist. the orange absolute will be done by the end of the week. this sucks that i cant see my baby. i miss her so much. i cant wait untill she gets home. well i am kinda tired so i am gonna go to try and sleep now. goodnight beautiful. i love you baby. 3.12.05 Crip walked

[24 Jul 2005|11:24pm] [ mood | lonely ] [ music | "Memory"- Sugarcult ] this sucks. i couldnt talk to my baby at all today. it sucks so bad. i miss her so much. i seriously take a shot everynight. i just did one of absolute. good shit. on the bright side i have my entire week planed. tommorow i am working then at areound 7 i am playing hockey with a guy from the firehouse. on tuesday wednesday and thursday i am playing soccer with the high school. on wednesday i am playing hockey also, again with the guy from the fire house. and on friday my relatives are coming from Chicago for my graduation party. then Kristen comes home on tuesday. so it should go by pretty quick. well i have to go to bed now since i have work tommorow and a hockey game. i love you baby. 3.12.05 <3 Crip walked

[24 Jul 2005|12:05pm] today is ok. i cant talk to kristen tonight because she is gonna be on an overnight boatride. i cant wait till she gets back. i miss her soooooooooooo much. i am happy that i am gonna be able to go to Cherry Hill for when she gets back. i have tried to stay focused and as bad as it may seem try not to think about her alot because if i did i wouldnt be able to live without her. it is only 12 and i have been up for like four hours and i feel like shit just because i cant talk to her for one day. i keep thinking about it and it just makes it harder :-( i take a shot everynight just to go to bed. well i have to go get ready for work. i will update again later. bye i love you and miss you baby 3.12.05 <3 3 Crip walked

[10 Jul 2005|04:15pm] ( i love you ) 7 Crip walked

[10 Jul 2005|07:43am] ( you're my best friend ) Crip walked

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